The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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Boyfriend- "Is lady time over yet?"

#937
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He's A Keeper! (18) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Sep 5, 2012 09:48 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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I was complaining about me gaining weight, and having a fat belly, when my boyfriend said, 'hey, don't treat it bad ok, my babies are gonna be there someday"

#907
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He's A Keeper! (41) - Dump His Ass! (12)

Sep 5, 2012 09:46 AM - Love - by bigbelly (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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He's A Keeper! (35) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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"You seemed to be having a wet dream. Then you moaned more in your dream than when having sex with me."

#426
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Connie (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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He's A Keeper! (13) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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An ex once told me that women may have to deal with period issues, but guys have it way worse because they have 'inner butt hair'. When I pressed him on it, he said, 'Do you have any idea how difficult it makes wiping back there?'

#860
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Joann (woman)

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My boyfriend asked me if i was born without a sex and had to choose between being female or male, which would I choose. i said i would be female. He said, "yeah, me too, I'd stick so much stuff up my vagina it would be untrue."

#981
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Sep 27, 2012 10:33 AM - Misc - by Jamiexlou (woman)

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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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He's A Keeper! (14) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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He says: "Fighting zombies wouldn't be totally awesome, but it wouldn't be the worst way to go out either. Just saying."

#959
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He's A Keeper! (16) - Dump His Ass! (9)

Aug 2, 2012 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tamarhino (woman)

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Yes, I fucked a duck.

#399
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He's A Keeper! (2) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Sex - by Shauna (woman)

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"This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me."

#418
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He's A Keeper! (4) - Dump His Ass! (18)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - School - by Megan (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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He's A Keeper! (25) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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While watching a movie I say "I like her dress" he replies "I like her face"!

#901
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Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Misc - by Rhondamarie (woman)

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(Went to Dallas for a church event.) Him: So have you found someone better at church? Me: Yes, Jesus! Him: A Mexican?

#400
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He's A Keeper! (14) - Dump His Ass! (6)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Allysa (woman)

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The other day in Biology, my teacher tried to explain that semen is comprised mostly of sugar, a blonde girl in the back pipes up “then why does it taste so salty?” She promptly ran out of the classroom with the reddest face. So happy you aren't that stupid, baby!

#841
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He's A Keeper! (11) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Ashley (woman)

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Ex-bf: "Wow, you are as big as a horse!"

#407
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Laticia (woman)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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He's A Keeper! (18) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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him (on the phone): you're a fucking scumbag, and I want to choke you to death.
me: *click*

him (email): why are you ignoring me? That's an act of aggression.

#851
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He's A Keeper! (1) - Dump His Ass! (48)

Sep 1, 2011 07:38 PM - Breakups - by puh-leeze (woman)

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I'm Asian and I have the "Asian Glow" every time I drink. The other day my boyfriend told me, if we ever got stranded in an island, he would keep feeding me alcohol so I will glow and keep it warm for both of us.

#900
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He's A Keeper! (20) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Dec 20, 2011 06:50 AM - Love - by nguyent12 (woman)

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He said, ‘Baby I want to try something. Can I dump my oatmeal on you and eat it off your boobs?'

#871
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He's A Keeper! (22) - Dump His Ass! (16)

Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Kimmy (woman)

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