The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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Is there any kind of anal sex other than SURPRISE anal sex?

#396
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Sex - by Lyndsay (woman)

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While watching a movie I say "I like her dress" he replies "I like her face"!

#901
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Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Misc - by Rhondamarie (woman)

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My mom told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time.

#423
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Love - by Andrea (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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Me: I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time.
Him: I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating.

#410
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Carmella (woman)

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"I was still so drunk when I woke up, that i put my foot in the wank sock I keep by my bed!"

#422
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Drunk - by Alex (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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Jun 30, 2011 05:42 AM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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I think you need to taste my DNA to tonight.

#416
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Sex - by Connie (woman)

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God I love America.

#428
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Jan 30, 2011 05:52 AM - Health - by FattiesAreFunny (woman)

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Yes, I fucked a duck.

#399
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Sex - by Shauna (woman)

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My friend was trying to convince me we could have casual sex and his most persuasive line was, 'It doesn't count as sex if you use a condom.'

#859
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Alex (woman)

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You suck. What have you been up to? Besides working out twice a day obviously!

#393
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Myra (woman)

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We were showering together and I realized he was putting conditioner on his pubes and chest hair. He explained, ‘It’s important that it be soft and silky.’ He was totally serious.

#872
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Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tara (woman)

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"I'm going go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea."

#414
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Sammie (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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Me: If you are using my washing machine, why do I still have to do all of your laundry?
Him: "Look between your legs, what do you see?...Exactly."

#939
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May 25, 2012 03:54 AM - Love - by coconutlover (woman)

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Soon after we first met he said, ‘Please, keep your finger out of my butthole. Some chicks are freaky so I’m just getting it out of the way.'

#869
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He's A Keeper! (37) - Dump His Ass! (10)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Lisa (woman)

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