The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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The other day in Biology, my teacher tried to explain that semen is comprised mostly of sugar, a blonde girl in the back pipes up “then why does it taste so salty?” She promptly ran out of the classroom with the reddest face. So happy you aren't that stupid, baby!

#841
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Ashley (woman)

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My friend was trying to convince me we could have casual sex and his most persuasive line was, 'It doesn't count as sex if you use a condom.'

#859
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Alex (woman)

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me: you could have been one of those guys that had lots of girlfriends

bf: nah, im good with just you

me: awww really?

bf: yup... im too lazy for more than one.

#852
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Sep 1, 2011 07:38 PM - Misc - by SweetTart (woman)

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One time he squeezed my sides and said, 'You're just like a pillow! A meat pillow!'

#854
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Amy (woman)

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"I have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my hair trimmer."

#425
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Merriam (woman)

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"I couldn't tell if it was your finger...or if you had a penis..."

#421
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Allison (woman)

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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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Today I sucked helium out of a balloon, and tried singing, I finally matched the pitch of Justin Bieber in choir.

#843
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - School - by JBiebFan (woman)

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"Wanna try this position tonight?"

#420
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Jan 30, 2011 04:35 AM - Sex - by Ellen (woman)

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Ex-bf: "Wow, you are as big as a horse!"

#407
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Laticia (woman)

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"I was still so drunk when I woke up, that i put my foot in the wank sock I keep by my bed!"

#422
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Drunk - by Alex (woman)

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You're picking up the bill, right? I just bought us condoms yesterday.

#405
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Sex - by Nina (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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The first time he saw me curling my hair (and apparently the first time he saw any girl curling her hair), he asked, 'How long will that last? A few months or until it grows out and you cut it?' He actually thought that using a curling iron might be permanent.

#861
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Elizabeth (woman)

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We were in bed hooking up. I was shirtless, but with my bra still on. Instead of taking my bra off, my boyfriend folded down the cup, revealing my nipple and exclaimed, 'Peek a boob!' What a mood killer.

#858
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Katie (woman)

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"You shouldn't let your vagina make the decisions any more...it makes bad ones."

#424
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Misc - by Ashley (woman)

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As I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

#847
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by GirlsLoveFakeBrits (woman)

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Me: If you are using my washing machine, why do I still have to do all of your laundry?
Him: "Look between your legs, what do you see?...Exactly."

#939
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May 25, 2012 03:54 AM - Love - by coconutlover (woman)

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