The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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He says: "Fighting zombies wouldn't be totally awesome, but it wouldn't be the worst way to go out either. Just saying."

#959
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Aug 2, 2012 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tamarhino (woman)

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I received an e-mail today from my teacher telling me that her dog ate my homework! And that she was sincerely sorry. Ironic...

#846
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - School - by SchoolBlows (woman)

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He said, ‘Baby I want to try something. Can I dump my oatmeal on you and eat it off your boobs?'

#871
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Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Kimmy (woman)

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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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"I couldn't tell if it was your finger...or if you had a penis..."

#421
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Allison (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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My 5 year old nephew said that a boy in his Kindergarten class had called him "Dumbo". My Mom asked him how he responded to the kid and my nephew replied, "I called him a fucking asshole."

#839
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ImADush (woman)

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My boyfriend thought the purpose of tampons is to alleviate menstrual pain...

#874
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Oct 25, 2011 04:50 AM - Love - by Beanz (woman)

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He calls my boobs ‘beerbs’ because when I gain weight, I get bigger boobs instead of a beer belly.

#867
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Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM - Misc - by Sunny (woman)

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You're picking up the bill, right? I just bought us condoms yesterday.

#405
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Sex - by Nina (woman)

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My boyfriend once told me, ‘I wish I had a vagine. That way I would have a place to put things."

#864
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Jamie (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

#403
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Sex - by Pam (woman)

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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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While watching a movie I say "I like her dress" he replies "I like her face"!

#901
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Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Misc - by Rhondamarie (woman)

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So last night my boyfriend and I are sitting around a fire with his parents and we were all pretty quiet for a minute, and then my bf's dad stands up and with this Indian accent says, "Me chief Hung Low, first name Hung, last name low" and proceeds to drop his pants and piss on the fire.

#427
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Misc - by Ali (woman)

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Soon after we first met he said, ‘Please, keep your finger out of my butthole. Some chicks are freaky so I’m just getting it out of the way.'

#869
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Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Lisa (woman)

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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

#409
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Shelley (woman)

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Look at this shit sucker. Or as they say in Mexico, chuprakaka.

#394
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Shannon (woman)

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