The Shit Your BF Says or Does

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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Nov 6, 2011 08:06 AM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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me: you could have been one of those guys that had lots of girlfriends

bf: nah, im good with just you

me: awww really?

bf: yup... im too lazy for more than one.

#852
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He's A Keeper! (23) - Dump His Ass! (6)

Sep 1, 2011 07:38 PM - Misc - by SweetTart (woman)

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So we are lying in bed after I just got him off because I was on my rag and he says: "Babe I think its great! It means theres no babys in there!" as he taps my crotch "keep it coming babe, the more blood the better I always say!"

#489
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Feb 16, 2011 03:23 AM - Sex - by G.access (woman)

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"I'm going go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea."

#414
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Sammie (woman)

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As I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

#847
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by GirlsLoveFakeBrits (woman)

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"I couldn't tell if it was your finger...or if you had a penis..."

#421
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Allison (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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He's A Keeper! (22) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (27)

Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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My friend was trying to convince me we could have casual sex and his most persuasive line was, 'It doesn't count as sex if you use a condom.'

#859
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (35)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Alex (woman)

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Hey you want to go to Bally's? I just saw a couple of really fat people and thought of you and me.

#392
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (8)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Health - by Paula (woman)

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You know how some people call a bra an over-the-shoulder boulder holder? My guy calls mine a ‘pebble holder.'

#866
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (51)

Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM - Misc - by Kathy (woman)

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if your guy turns to u and says this....
*BF: Hey babe do u like turkey sausage?
*Girl: Uh.... yeah why?
*BF: then come gobble it up!
And points at his crotch its time to get rid of him!

#984
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He's A Keeper! (23) - Dump His Ass! (13)

Oct 10, 2012 05:58 PM - Breakups - by SRock (woman)

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Ex-bf: "Wow, you are as big as a horse!"

#407
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Laticia (woman)

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Look at this shit sucker. Or as they say in Mexico, chuprakaka.

#394
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Shannon (woman)

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I didn't think it was possible to out-queer figure skating, but look out! Here comes ice dancing!

#397
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He's A Keeper! (11) - Dump His Ass! (8)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Joanne (woman)

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He said to me, ‘I can’t look at you when you have a pickle in your mouth.’

#863
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He's A Keeper! (16) - Dump His Ass! (9)

Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Tina (woman)

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Today I was at a video game store. The kid in front of me was about 13 and trading in some games. The clerk opened a game case and the kid’s weed stash fell out. His mom was standing right next to him.

#842
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He's A Keeper! (1) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by DorkGF (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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He's A Keeper! (27) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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What my boyfriend told me on the phone when I wanted to see him: "I'm like a reserved table, you have to reserve time with me and right now, all my friends got my time."

#404
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He's A Keeper! (4) - Dump His Ass! (28)

Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Lisa (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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He's A Keeper! (35) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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