The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Nov 27, 6812 01:20 PM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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Yes, I fucked a duck.

#399
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He's A Keeper! (2) - Dump His Ass! (8)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Sex - by Shauna (woman)

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If you gave me a car made of diamonds and blowjobs all day, I still wouldn't drink that beer.

#395
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He's A Keeper! (10) - Dump His Ass! (0)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Love - by Lulu (woman)

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So we are lying in bed after I just got him off because I was on my rag and he says: "Babe I think its great! It means theres no babys in there!" as he taps my crotch "keep it coming babe, the more blood the better I always say!"

#489
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He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Feb 16, 2011 03:23 AM - Sex - by G.access (woman)

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"If and when I visit texas, whether it be in a year or two, or the 10 year high school reunion...remind me to beat your ass and sit on you..."

#401
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Lola (woman)

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My ex asked, ‘Did you know that glass is made out of water?

#868
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He's A Keeper! (6) - Dump His Ass! (18)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Jessica (woman)

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"You seemed to be having a wet dream. Then you moaned more in your dream than when having sex with me."

#426
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (18)

Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Connie (woman)

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Me: If you are using my washing machine, why do I still have to do all of your laundry?
Him: "Look between your legs, what do you see?...Exactly."

#939
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (27)

May 25, 2012 03:54 AM - Love - by coconutlover (woman)

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"I was still so drunk when I woke up, that i put my foot in the wank sock I keep by my bed!"

#422
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He's A Keeper! (2) - Dump His Ass! (16)

Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Drunk - by Alex (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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He's A Keeper! (23) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (22)

Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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My man and I were out for a romantic brunch at this nice restaurant and he ordered a fruit parfait. When he was finished he said, 'It would have been better without the cantaloupe and antelope.' Turns out he meant honey dew.

#855
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He's A Keeper! (10) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Jordan (woman)

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My boyfriend- "You're not stupid. You're a girl."

#936
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Sep 5, 2012 09:47 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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The other day I wrote a to-do list and left it on my BF's table. After he read it he said: "This is the most logical letter you have ever given me."

#963
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He's A Keeper! (21) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Sep 5, 2012 09:51 AM - Misc - by Ruhruh (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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He's A Keeper! (21) - Dump His Ass! (0)

Nov 27, 2579 01:09 PM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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What my boyfriend told me on the phone when I wanted to see him: "I'm like a reserved table, you have to reserve time with me and right now, all my friends got my time."

#404
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He's A Keeper! (4) - Dump His Ass! (27)

Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Lisa (woman)

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(Went to Dallas for a church event.) Him: So have you found someone better at church? Me: Yes, Jesus! Him: A Mexican?

#400
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He's A Keeper! (14) - Dump His Ass! (6)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Allysa (woman)

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"I have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my hair trimmer."

#425
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He's A Keeper! (25) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Merriam (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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He's A Keeper! (29) - Dump His Ass! (10)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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My friend was trying to convince me we could have casual sex and his most persuasive line was, 'It doesn't count as sex if you use a condom.'

#859
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (33)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Alex (woman)

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