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Boyfriend- "Is lady time over yet?"

#937
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He's A Keeper! (18) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Sep 5, 2012 09:48 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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May 31, 2579 01:09 PM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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What my boyfriend told me on the phone when I wanted to see him: "I'm like a reserved table, you have to reserve time with me and right now, all my friends got my time."

#404
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Lisa (woman)

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Today I was at a video game store. The kid in front of me was about 13 and trading in some games. The clerk opened a game case and the kid’s weed stash fell out. His mom was standing right next to him.

#842
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by DorkGF (woman)

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Me: If you are using my washing machine, why do I still have to do all of your laundry?
Him: "Look between your legs, what do you see?...Exactly."

#939
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May 25, 2012 03:54 AM - Love - by coconutlover (woman)

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Yes, I fucked a duck.

#399
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Sex - by Shauna (woman)

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She's going to hate herself in the morning, but at least she's having fun right now!

#417
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Drunk - by Katy (woman)

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We were showering together and I realized he was putting conditioner on his pubes and chest hair. He explained, ‘It’s important that it be soft and silky.’ He was totally serious.

#872
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He's A Keeper! (37) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tara (woman)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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Look at this shit sucker. Or as they say in Mexico, chuprakaka.

#394
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Shannon (woman)

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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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He's A Keeper! (14) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

#403
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Sex - by Pam (woman)

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Hey you want to go to Bally's? I just saw a couple of really fat people and thought of you and me.

#392
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Health - by Paula (woman)

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My boyfriend- "You're not stupid. You're a girl."

#936
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Sep 5, 2012 09:47 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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I was complaining about me gaining weight, and having a fat belly, when my boyfriend said, 'hey, don't treat it bad ok, my babies are gonna be there someday"

#907
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Sep 5, 2012 09:46 AM - Love - by bigbelly (woman)

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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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May 31, 6812 01:20 PM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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My boyfriend thought the purpose of tampons is to alleviate menstrual pain...

#874
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He's A Keeper! (11) - Dump His Ass! (16)

May 31, 8257 01:19 PM - Love - by Beanz (woman)

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You shouldn't buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.

#398
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Money - by Maya (woman)

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While watching a movie I say "I like her dress" he replies "I like her face"!

#901
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He's A Keeper! (6) - Dump His Ass! (27)

Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Misc - by Rhondamarie (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (27)

Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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