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My mom told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time.

#423
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He's A Keeper! (6) - Dump His Ass! (6)

Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Love - by Andrea (woman)

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if your guy turns to u and says this....
*BF: Hey babe do u like turkey sausage?
*Girl: Uh.... yeah why?
*BF: then come gobble it up!
And points at his crotch its time to get rid of him!

#984
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He's A Keeper! (16) - Dump His Ass! (12)

Oct 10, 2012 05:58 PM - Breakups - by SRock (woman)

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The other day I wrote a to-do list and left it on my BF's table. After he read it he said: "This is the most logical letter you have ever given me."

#963
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He's A Keeper! (29) - Dump His Ass! (8)

Sep 5, 2012 09:51 AM - Misc - by Ruhruh (woman)

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As we are sitting in my BFs bed after I just got him off instead of sex cause I was on my period and he taps my crotch and says babe I think its great!! That means no baby in there. The more blood the better I alway say!!

#490
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He's A Keeper! (12) - Dump His Ass! (23)

Feb 16, 2011 03:28 AM - Sex - by G.access (woman)

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One time he squeezed my sides and said, 'You're just like a pillow! A meat pillow!'

#854
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Amy (woman)

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"Isn't this kind of what you did last week, baby?"

#419
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:35 AM - Drunk - by Megan (woman)

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Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

#403
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He's A Keeper! (9) - Dump His Ass! (13)

Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Sex - by Pam (woman)

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Boyfriend- "Is lady time over yet?"

#937
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Sep 5, 2012 09:48 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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My boyfriend asked me if i was born without a sex and had to choose between being female or male, which would I choose. i said i would be female. He said, "yeah, me too, I'd stick so much stuff up my vagina it would be untrue."

#981
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He's A Keeper! (9) - Dump His Ass! (8)

Sep 27, 2012 10:33 AM - Misc - by Jamiexlou (woman)

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I was complaining about me gaining weight, and having a fat belly, when my boyfriend said, 'hey, don't treat it bad ok, my babies are gonna be there someday"

#907
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He's A Keeper! (41) - Dump His Ass! (12)

Sep 5, 2012 09:46 AM - Love - by bigbelly (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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He's A Keeper! (3) - Dump His Ass! (27)

Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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He's A Keeper! (13) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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He's A Keeper! (24) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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Look at this shit sucker. Or as they say in Mexico, chuprakaka.

#394
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Shannon (woman)

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He asked if gravity kept girls from getting pregnant when they are on top.

#857
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (26)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Julie (woman)

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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Feb 24, 6812 01:20 PM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

#409
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He's A Keeper! (8) - Dump His Ass! (19)

Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Shelley (woman)

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An ex once told me that women may have to deal with period issues, but guys have it way worse because they have 'inner butt hair'. When I pressed him on it, he said, 'Do you have any idea how difficult it makes wiping back there?'

#860
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Sex - by Joann (woman)

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"If and when I visit texas, whether it be in a year or two, or the 10 year high school reunion...remind me to beat your ass and sit on you..."

#401
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He's A Keeper! (4) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Lola (woman)

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I think you need to taste my DNA to tonight.

#416
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He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (16)

Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - Sex - by Connie (woman)

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