The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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He said, ‘Baby I want to try something. Can I dump my oatmeal on you and eat it off your boobs?'

#871
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Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Kimmy (woman)

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He asked if gravity kept girls from getting pregnant when they are on top.

#857
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Julie (woman)

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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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Boyfriend- "Is lady time over yet?"

#937
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Sep 5, 2012 09:48 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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Nov 6, 2011 08:06 AM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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You know how some people call a bra an over-the-shoulder boulder holder? My guy calls mine a ‘pebble holder.'

#866
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Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM - Misc - by Kathy (woman)

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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

#409
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Jan 30, 2011 02:59 AM - Sex - by Shelley (woman)

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One time he squeezed my sides and said, 'You're just like a pillow! A meat pillow!'

#854
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Amy (woman)

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My man and I were out for a romantic brunch at this nice restaurant and he ordered a fruit parfait. When he was finished he said, 'It would have been better without the cantaloupe and antelope.' Turns out he meant honey dew.

#855
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Jordan (woman)

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I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket and he said, completely seriously, 'If you were a burrito, I'd eat you.' He thought it was such a sexy line.

#853
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Bree (woman)

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When I told him my period was a bit late, he freaked out and exclaimed, ‘I knew BJs could get you pregnant!

#865
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Katie (woman)

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What my boyfriend told me on the phone when I wanted to see him: "I'm like a reserved table, you have to reserve time with me and right now, all my friends got my time."

#404
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Lisa (woman)

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"I couldn't tell if it was your finger...or if you had a penis..."

#421
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Jan 30, 2011 05:12 AM - Sex - by Allison (woman)

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My boyfriend- "You're not stupid. You're a girl."

#936
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Sep 5, 2012 09:47 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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Today I sucked helium out of a balloon, and tried singing, I finally matched the pitch of Justin Bieber in choir.

#843
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - School - by JBiebFan (woman)

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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.

#411
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Shanna (woman)

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Me: I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time.
Him: I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating.

#410
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Carmella (woman)

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I didn't think it was possible to out-queer figure skating, but look out! Here comes ice dancing!

#397
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Joanne (woman)

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