The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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I received an e-mail today from my teacher telling me that her dog ate my homework! And that she was sincerely sorry. Ironic...

#846
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He's A Keeper! (12) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - School - by SchoolBlows (woman)

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Yes, I fucked a duck.

#399
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He's A Keeper! (2) - Dump His Ass! (10)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Sex - by Shauna (woman)

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He calls my boobs ‘beerbs’ because when I gain weight, I get bigger boobs instead of a beer belly.

#867
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He's A Keeper! (17) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM - Misc - by Sunny (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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He's A Keeper! (32) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Jul 4, 6812 01:20 PM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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I also think of your face. That keeps me running!

#390
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Health - by Millie (woman)

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Soon after we first met he said, ‘Please, keep your finger out of my butthole. Some chicks are freaky so I’m just getting it out of the way.'

#869
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He's A Keeper! (33) - Dump His Ass! (10)

Sep 22, 2011 11:54 PM - Misc - by Lisa (woman)

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My boyfriend asked me if i was born without a sex and had to choose between being female or male, which would I choose. i said i would be female. He said, "yeah, me too, I'd stick so much stuff up my vagina it would be untrue."

#981
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Sep 27, 2012 10:33 AM - Misc - by Jamiexlou (woman)

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We were in bed hooking up. I was shirtless, but with my bra still on. Instead of taking my bra off, my boyfriend folded down the cup, revealing my nipple and exclaimed, 'Peek a boob!' What a mood killer.

#858
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Katie (woman)

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"Wanna try this position tonight?"

#420
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Jan 30, 2011 04:35 AM - Sex - by Ellen (woman)

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So we are lying in bed after I just got him off because I was on my rag and he says: "Babe I think its great! It means theres no babys in there!" as he taps my crotch "keep it coming babe, the more blood the better I always say!"

#489
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Feb 16, 2011 03:23 AM - Sex - by G.access (woman)

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"This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me."

#418
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Jan 30, 2011 03:17 AM - School - by Megan (woman)

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We were showering together and I realized he was putting conditioner on his pubes and chest hair. He explained, ‘It’s important that it be soft and silky.’ He was totally serious.

#872
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He's A Keeper! (34) - Dump His Ass! (11)

Sep 29, 2011 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tara (woman)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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He's A Keeper! (16) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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Ex-bf: "Wow, you are as big as a horse!"

#407
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Laticia (woman)

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I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total whore. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us - WTF?

#402
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Jan 30, 2011 02:26 AM - Love - by Cello (woman)

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While watching a movie I say "I like her dress" he replies "I like her face"!

#901
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (25)

Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Misc - by Rhondamarie (woman)

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I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket and he said, completely seriously, 'If you were a burrito, I'd eat you.' He thought it was such a sexy line.

#853
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He's A Keeper! (27) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Bree (woman)

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