The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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Today, at my high school, my teacher announced that all the third hour classes would be having a door decorating contest for Martin Luther King Day. The boy next to me suggested that we duct tape the one black kid in the class to the door.

#849
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - School - by Payback (woman)

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You shouldn't buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.

#398
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Money - by Maya (woman)

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Today I was at a video game store. The kid in front of me was about 13 and trading in some games. The clerk opened a game case and the kid’s weed stash fell out. His mom was standing right next to him.

#842
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by DorkGF (woman)

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I also think of your face. That keeps me running!

#390
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Health - by Millie (woman)

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"I have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my hair trimmer."

#425
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Merriam (woman)

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I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." Wasn't a pretty picture... :(

#845
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by StrippersSuckNow (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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I'm Asian and I have the "Asian Glow" every time I drink. The other day my boyfriend told me, if we ever got stranded in an island, he would keep feeding me alcohol so I will glow and keep it warm for both of us.

#900
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Dec 20, 2011 06:50 AM - Love - by nguyent12 (woman)

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God I love America.

#428
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Jan 30, 2011 05:52 AM - Health - by FattiesAreFunny (woman)

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The other day in Biology, my teacher tried to explain that semen is comprised mostly of sugar, a blonde girl in the back pipes up “then why does it taste so salty?” She promptly ran out of the classroom with the reddest face. So happy you aren't that stupid, baby!

#841
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Ashley (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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Jun 30, 2011 05:42 AM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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"Wanna try this position tonight?"

#420
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Jan 30, 2011 04:35 AM - Sex - by Ellen (woman)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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As I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

#847
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Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by GirlsLoveFakeBrits (woman)

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I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket and he said, completely seriously, 'If you were a burrito, I'd eat you.' He thought it was such a sexy line.

#853
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Bree (woman)

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My man and I were out for a romantic brunch at this nice restaurant and he ordered a fruit parfait. When he was finished he said, 'It would have been better without the cantaloupe and antelope.' Turns out he meant honey dew.

#855
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Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Jordan (woman)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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"Isn't this kind of what you did last week, baby?"

#419
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:35 AM - Drunk - by Megan (woman)

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