The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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He calls my boobs ‘beerbs’ because when I gain weight, I get bigger boobs instead of a beer belly.

#867
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Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM - Misc - by Sunny (woman)

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I'm Asian and I have the "Asian Glow" every time I drink. The other day my boyfriend told me, if we ever got stranded in an island, he would keep feeding me alcohol so I will glow and keep it warm for both of us.

#900
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Dec 20, 2011 06:50 AM - Love - by nguyent12 (woman)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 12, 2010 01:47 AM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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My boyfriend once told me, ‘I wish I had a vagine. That way I would have a place to put things."

#864
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Jamie (woman)

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My boyfriend "Girls are lucky, a girl can stick anything up there and it feels just like a dick."

#902
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Feb 4, 2012 12:18 AM - Sex - by KiaCouture (woman)

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if your guy turns to u and says this....
*BF: Hey babe do u like turkey sausage?
*Girl: Uh.... yeah why?
*BF: then come gobble it up!
And points at his crotch its time to get rid of him!

#984
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Oct 10, 2012 05:58 PM - Breakups - by SRock (woman)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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Boyfriend- "Is lady time over yet?"

#937
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Sep 5, 2012 09:48 AM - Misc - by Kate (woman)

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My 5 year old nephew said that a boy in his Kindergarten class had called him "Dumbo". My Mom asked him how he responded to the kid and my nephew replied, "I called him a fucking asshole."

#839
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ImADush (woman)

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So last night my boyfriend and I are sitting around a fire with his parents and we were all pretty quiet for a minute, and then my bf's dad stands up and with this Indian accent says, "Me chief Hung Low, first name Hung, last name low" and proceeds to drop his pants and piss on the fire.

#427
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Misc - by Ali (woman)

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He said to me, ‘I can’t look at you when you have a pickle in your mouth.’

#863
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Sep 22, 2011 11:29 PM - Misc - by Tina (woman)

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He says: "Fighting zombies wouldn't be totally awesome, but it wouldn't be the worst way to go out either. Just saying."

#959
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Aug 2, 2012 06:01 AM - Misc - by Tamarhino (woman)

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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.

#413
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Melanie (woman)

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"They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of the bar."

#415
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Carly (woman)

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(Went to Dallas for a church event.) Him: So have you found someone better at church? Me: Yes, Jesus! Him: A Mexican?

#400
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Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Misc - by Allysa (woman)

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My friend's brother is mentally challenged but still lives on his own. One day he called his sister and told her to come over quickly because he had trapped a gnome. She arrived there about 5 hours later and she moved the table, opened the door, there was a midget Jahovah witness in the closet!

#840
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by ILoveIt (woman)

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Me: I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time.
Him: I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating.

#410
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Sex - by Carmella (woman)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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"You shouldn't let your vagina make the decisions any more...it makes bad ones."

#424
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Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Misc - by Ashley (woman)

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I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my you and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” Hilarious!

#838
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Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Misc - by Zelda (woman)

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