"Babe, you can't leave me alone when I'm high anymore. I googled "computer make me bacon" last night and was so high, I waited for 5 minutes."

Our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. Welcome to college. I love this place, and I'm never leaving.

first thing he said when he woke up was that we did it so rough his penis hurt and it felt like he had been lifting weights with it.

"I guess in future converstions I should just stick to the fun parts about prison..."

My BF told me " babe I'm Going To Bend You Over, and F*** the Shit Out Of You."

8 o'clock in the morning, he wakes up and says, "So, you want to go shopping this morning?" , "Yup", "You want breakfast first?", "mm-hmm", "Okay, you stay here in bed, warm and comfortable." Then he gets up to go make me breakfast!

"I miss you more. If I could make any one thing happen, I would make you be here"

"I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

"I just realized something - anytime I stay over at your place, you return my clothes washed so in thought, I will probably never break up with you. This relationship is way too perfect."

I was out of town and my BF decided to throw a party. Saturday night at 1am, I receive a txt message: "What do you do when the pizza delivery guy passes out on your couch?"

Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue...beat that

"If they make ice cream taste as good as your pussy, I'd be the fattest kid in the world!"

If you don't shut the f*ck up, I'm going to wrap my dick around your neck, stand on a bed, and hang you with it. If you think I'm kidding, try me ;)

I can't get the taste of vagina and period blood out of my mouth

There would be less drunk driving in the world if Taco Bell delivered at 2am

"wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton"

he re-enacted a scene from karate kid on my boobs, saying wax on, wax off...

I asked him if he wanted to cum on me and lick my pussy, but he said no and started playing world of Warcraft. What do I do?

"i wish you were here, the bed feels empty"