The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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He said to me, ‘I can’t look at you when you have a pickle in your mouth.’

#863
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Sep 22, 2011 05:29 PM - Misc - by Tina (woman)

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He overheard me tell a friend I bought a DVF dress and later he told me he liked my 'DVDA' dress. I corrected him, but he said, 'Are you sure you don't mean DVDA? Double vaginal, double anal?' Uh, no I most definitely did not.

#862
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Sep 22, 2011 05:29 PM - Misc - by Marie (woman)

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The first time he saw me curling my hair (and apparently the first time he saw any girl curling her hair), he asked, 'How long will that last? A few months or until it grows out and you cut it?' He actually thought that using a curling iron might be permanent.

#861
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Elizabeth (woman)

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An ex once told me that women may have to deal with period issues, but guys have it way worse because they have 'inner butt hair'. When I pressed him on it, he said, 'Do you have any idea how difficult it makes wiping back there?'

#860
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Sex - by Joann (woman)

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My friend was trying to convince me we could have casual sex and his most persuasive line was, 'It doesn't count as sex if you use a condom.'

#859
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Sex - by Alex (woman)

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We were in bed hooking up. I was shirtless, but with my bra still on. Instead of taking my bra off, my boyfriend folded down the cup, revealing my nipple and exclaimed, 'Peek a boob!' What a mood killer.

#858
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Katie (woman)

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He asked if gravity kept girls from getting pregnant when they are on top.

#857
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Julie (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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My man and I were out for a romantic brunch at this nice restaurant and he ordered a fruit parfait. When he was finished he said, 'It would have been better without the cantaloupe and antelope.' Turns out he meant honey dew.

#855
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Jordan (woman)

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One time he squeezed my sides and said, 'You're just like a pillow! A meat pillow!'

#854
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Amy (woman)

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I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket and he said, completely seriously, 'If you were a burrito, I'd eat you.' He thought it was such a sexy line.

#853
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Sep 22, 2011 05:24 PM - Misc - by Bree (woman)

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me: you could have been one of those guys that had lots of girlfriends

bf: nah, im good with just you

me: awww really?

bf: yup... im too lazy for more than one.

#852
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Sep 1, 2011 01:38 PM - Misc - by SweetTart (woman)

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him (on the phone): you're a fucking scumbag, and I want to choke you to death.
me: *click*

him (email): why are you ignoring me? That's an act of aggression.

#851
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Sep 1, 2011 01:38 PM - Breakups - by puh-leeze (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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Today, at my high school, my teacher announced that all the third hour classes would be having a door decorating contest for Martin Luther King Day. The boy next to me suggested that we duct tape the one black kid in the class to the door.

#849
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - School - by Payback (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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As I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

#847
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - Drunk - by GirlsLoveFakeBrits (woman)

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I received an e-mail today from my teacher telling me that her dog ate my homework! And that she was sincerely sorry. Ironic...

#846
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - School - by SchoolBlows (woman)

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I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." Wasn't a pretty picture... :(

#845
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Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - Drunk - by StrippersSuckNow (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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He's A Keeper! (22) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Aug 10, 2011 02:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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