The Shit Your BF Says or Does
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You shouldn't buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.

#398
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Jan 29, 2011 09:21 PM - Money - by Maya (woman)

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"I have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my hair trimmer."

#425
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Jan 30, 2011 12:31 AM - Sex - by Merriam (woman)

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As I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

#847
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Aug 10, 2011 04:45 AM - Drunk - by GirlsLoveFakeBrits (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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Feb 7, 2579 01:09 PM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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I just drunk dialed your mom! SHIT!

#1
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Dec 11, 2010 08:47 PM - Drunk - by prodjallen (man)

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So last night my boyfriend and I are sitting around a fire with his parents and we were all pretty quiet for a minute, and then my bf's dad stands up and with this Indian accent says, "Me chief Hung Low, first name Hung, last name low" and proceeds to drop his pants and piss on the fire.

#427
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Jan 30, 2011 12:31 AM - Misc - by Ali (woman)

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My brother got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for placing Bibles in the fiction section.

#850
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Aug 10, 2011 04:45 AM - Family - by ambs (woman)

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"Wanna try this position tonight?"

#420
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Jan 29, 2011 11:35 PM - Sex - by Ellen (woman)

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"You shouldn't let your vagina make the decisions any more...it makes bad ones."

#424
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Jan 30, 2011 12:31 AM - Misc - by Ashley (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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Aug 10, 2011 04:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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My bro had a wrestling match. I put Viagra in his water bottle! hehe

#848
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Aug 10, 2011 04:45 AM - Drunk - by Payback (woman)

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Today, at my high school, my teacher announced that all the third hour classes would be having a door decorating contest for Martin Luther King Day. The boy next to me suggested that we duct tape the one black kid in the class to the door.

#849
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Aug 10, 2011 04:45 AM - School - by Payback (woman)

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(Went to Dallas for a church event.) Him: So have you found someone better at church? Me: Yes, Jesus! Him: A Mexican?

#400
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Jan 29, 2011 09:21 PM - Misc - by Allysa (woman)

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Me: I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time.
Him: I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating.

#410
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Jan 29, 2011 10:00 PM - Sex - by Carmella (woman)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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Jan 29, 2011 10:00 PM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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"They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of the bar."

#415
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Jan 29, 2011 10:00 PM - Drunk - by Carly (woman)

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God I love America.

#428
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Jan 30, 2011 12:52 AM - Health - by FattiesAreFunny (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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Sep 22, 2011 07:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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I didn't think it was possible to out-queer figure skating, but look out! Here comes ice dancing!

#397
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Jan 29, 2011 09:21 PM - Misc - by Joanne (woman)

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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.

#413
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Jan 29, 2011 10:00 PM - Drunk - by Melanie (woman)

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