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ShitMyBFSays.com Rocks!

#877
1 Comments

He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (5)

Dec 3, 6812 01:20 PM - Misc - by Stickam (woman)

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I also think of your face. That keeps me running!

#390
0 Comments

He's A Keeper! (2) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Health - by Millie (woman)

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You shouldn't buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.

#398
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He's A Keeper! (40) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Jan 30, 2011 02:21 AM - Money - by Maya (woman)

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"I have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my hair trimmer."

#425
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He's A Keeper! (25) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Jan 30, 2011 05:31 AM - Sex - by Merriam (woman)

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Today I was at a video game store. The kid in front of me was about 13 and trading in some games. The clerk opened a game case and the kid’s weed stash fell out. His mom was standing right next to him.

#842
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He's A Keeper! (1) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by DorkGF (woman)

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I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." Wasn't a pretty picture... :(

#845
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He's A Keeper! (6) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Drunk - by StrippersSuckNow (woman)

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One night I was leaning on his stomach and I guess my elbow was digging into him. He told me, 'Babe, get up. You're hurting my ovaries.' I think he was serious and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

#856
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He's A Keeper! (25) - Dump His Ass! (4)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Christine (woman)

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God I love America.

#428
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He's A Keeper! (10) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Jan 30, 2011 05:52 AM - Health - by FattiesAreFunny (woman)

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The other day in Biology, my teacher tried to explain that semen is comprised mostly of sugar, a blonde girl in the back pipes up “then why does it taste so salty?” She promptly ran out of the classroom with the reddest face. So happy you aren't that stupid, baby!

#841
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He's A Keeper! (11) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Ashley (woman)

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I'm Asian and I have the "Asian Glow" every time I drink. The other day my boyfriend told me, if we ever got stranded in an island, he would keep feeding me alcohol so I will glow and keep it warm for both of us.

#900
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He's A Keeper! (20) - Dump His Ass! (3)

Dec 20, 2011 06:50 AM - Love - by nguyent12 (woman)

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Courting him with sour patch kids, you ho! (after I gave a lil kid some food).

#391
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He's A Keeper! (7) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Kids - by Melissa (woman)

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"Wanna try this position tonight?"

#420
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He's A Keeper! (20) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Jan 30, 2011 04:35 AM - Sex - by Ellen (woman)

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A Man At The Gym Asks His Trainer " Which Machine Do I Need To Use In Order To Attract All The Beautiful Women " The Trainer Responds " The ATM Machine Outside "

#604
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He's A Keeper! (21) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Dec 3, 2579 01:09 PM - Money - by Allen Analian (man)

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So, my boyfriend was out of town for a few days to visit a college buddy of his... I get a text at 12:15am that says "Baby! I saw a tree that had a knot that looked like a vagina. I thought of you." Greeaatt.

#837
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He's A Keeper! (18) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:44 AM - Sex - by Annie (woman)

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As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless.

#844
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He's A Keeper! (27) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Aug 10, 2011 08:45 AM - Work - by MenopauseHits (woman)

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I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket and he said, completely seriously, 'If you were a burrito, I'd eat you.' He thought it was such a sexy line.

#853
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He's A Keeper! (27) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Bree (woman)

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My man and I were out for a romantic brunch at this nice restaurant and he ordered a fruit parfait. When he was finished he said, 'It would have been better without the cantaloupe and antelope.' Turns out he meant honey dew.

#855
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He's A Keeper! (12) - Dump His Ass! (2)

Sep 22, 2011 11:24 PM - Misc - by Jordan (woman)

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Look at this shit sucker. Or as they say in Mexico, chuprakaka.

#394
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He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 02:20 AM - Misc - by Shannon (woman)

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"Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable."

#412
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He's A Keeper! (13) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:00 AM - Drunk - by Stephanie (woman)

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"Isn't this kind of what you did last week, baby?"

#419
0 Comments

He's A Keeper! (5) - Dump His Ass! (1)

Jan 30, 2011 03:35 AM - Drunk - by Megan (woman)

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