My boyfriend turned down sex because he wanted to watch New Moon.

it was a night, i needed a "one-shot", i found him. we started making love for like 2 minutes, and he asked me: "are you far away? (from the orgasm...) i answered him, "my god, so far, go alone."

He sent me a picture of Buzz Lightyear and put "My love for (myname) reaches Infinity and Beyond"

Today, my boyfriend discovered shitmygfsays.com. He said he was surprised to find that nothing on there sounded like something I would say.

I was trying to be sexy, teasing him by playing with myself just when I'm getting into it I hear '' You're doing great and I'm gunna let you finish''.. screw you kanye

My boyfriend was complaining about work and how he didn't have enough days off, then said, I wish there was seven days in a week.

He says "HI HONEY! You're going to hate me" Then he shows me the post he put on shitmygfsays.com.... It was about Star Wars. Really? Star Wars. Not that important.

"What is wrong with society?!?!?!" - Says the bf who took a shit in my parents dishwasher

Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing.

Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor. First one to puke gets voted off the island.

"The thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me every time."

"Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes."

"I'm over her. I got weed and youtube. Everything I could ever ask for."

Last month, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned.

I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face.

Last night, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed.

I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals.

My good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay.

I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too."

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's Facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around?