"I'll be right back" after about 12 hours I see him... "I gotta go"

I'm not a hoe. You're the one with the vagina here.

He told me he carved my name in the wall. Why? That's the designated wall he wants to fuck me on.

Changing diapers is a woman's job anyway.

I'm washing the sheets. I told you I had some backed up balls.

Me: Watcha doing? Him: Thinking about how Imma fuck you Me: Wow that was fast Him: My words are fast but my loving lasts forever.

if you dont let me read when i poop, then you cant be drugged when you give birth

He was so embarrassed when he told me that he had to Google his feelings for me because he didn't understand.

u have the prettiest pussy i have ever seen come here let me make it purr for you

He calls me up late at night drunk. Him: "Can you come over and open my beer?" Me: "Why cant you open it?" Him: "I cant, my hands are busy doing manly things! I'm a man. The woman opens the beer..." I just hung up. Douchebag!

My psycho ex decided to turn my 21st bday in to his own thing. He made all the plans by doing what HE wanted to do. He then got mad @ me when I talked with his frat bros @ the party and claimed "I wasnt paying enough attention to him" and called me ungreatful. Happy 21st to me?

Me: Oh you left your closet light on. What were you doing in the closet? Him: I was looking for a phone book so I could fuck you while standing up. (It was true too)

My boyfriend of 2 years n his friend were on facebook sending links of random girls 2 each other saying if they were hot or not. They claim they are friends from highschool and were just looking but I went to the same highschool and I didn't know of any of the girls. They were obviously lying.

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"I am really fucked up right now" but then no response for the whole night

So me and my boyfriend were messing around and it was getting pretty hot, when we decided to change positions, he got off and rolled right off the bed, the only thing he could say was "oops.." we had to stop right there.

My boyfriend was talking to one of my friends, Him: "Have you ever been out of the country?" Her: "No." Him: "Then why are you wearing a Hawaii sweatshirt?"

sent me this text: "started rubbing one out and fell asleep. GOD i'm a boring fuck!"

my bf and I were having this amazing sex....right before he gets off he says I wanna cum on your face, As I am okay with that it's pretty hot...but when he spun me around to cum on my cheek it went to far and most of the jizz went in my ear, and when he finds out he says.. did you hear me cumming?

me: "i watch CSI, i know the difference." him: "...and i watch porn but that doesn't make me an expert." good way to end a discussion babe, lol